Pre Marital Counseling

How Pre Marriage Counseling Can Tip The Odds Of Happiness In Your Favor

Pre marriage counseling can help to make it more likely that your own marriage will be one of those which does not fall into the ever increasing divorce statistics. This counseling can help to establish a mental framework where both partners already know a lot more about each other than they normally would, and help you start your married life with a giant head start. Unless you have been living in a vacuum before you considered becoming married, you will almost certainly know people who have either become divorced, or who have had marital problems which they had to overcome.

Although it is never a good idea to fill your head with negative thoughts and beliefs before you embark on your great adventure, it is good to be aware of potential problems you may encounter. The statistics alone, however, will paint the picture more darkly than is justified. While the number of divorces may be irrefutable, the percentage growth only tells a partial story. There were many couples in the past who would have taken advantage of the quick divorce laws, but they never had any opportunity to do so. It is scarcely surprising that they lived their lives in frustration.

This anomaly is further exacerbated when you consider that many of those who were previously trapped in unhappy marriages would doubtless have made second and third marriages. The failure rates for these are far higher than those for first marriages, so that is a lot of potential failed marriages which were prevented from happening. Many other unhappily married people were forced to stay together because of the effect a break up would have had on their careers and lives outside the home. Hopefully, these considerations will help you to feel better about your chances of making a successful marriage.

It is worth also thinking about the reasons why so many marriages fail. If you know these well, you can try to prevent them from happening in your case. A lot of the problems seem to stem from the great changes in the way people live today. In the past, the way most families lived was an extension of what we see throughout the animal kingdom. The husband went out to work, often at the same stable job for a great many years, while the wife kept the home and raised the children. Now, both partners typically go out to work, jobs are far less stable, and people move around a lot more.

This obviously gives rise to the possibility of conflict. What happens when one partner is offered a far better job than the one they have, only in a completely different city hundreds of miles away? The other partner may already be perfectly settled into a position and not want to move. Conflict situations such as this can afflict any couple no matter how well matched, and premarital counseling can help the partners talk through hypothetical situations to see how they would react. All of this practice can be invaluable in coping with real situations when they arise.

The issue of children in a marriage is an absolutely vital one to discuss in pre marital counseling, if you are to achieve success, and this is definitely something you will need to talk through before you start. In the past, it was pretty much assumed that when people got married they were going to be raising a family, but that is no longer the case. There are many people who feel that they do not want to have children at all, while others certainly want to delay it for a few years so that they can do something else with their lives. Others, of course, want children desperately but are biologically unable to conceive, which creates a difficult situation.

It is important to realize that even pre marital counseling is no guarantee of success, because even if you are perfectly matched there is no guarantee that you will not grow apart or change drastically over the years. What you are doing, though, it tipping the odds dramatically in your favor by making sure that you marry someone who is a good match at the start. Many of the failed marriages of previous eras were made young, and the participants never got a second chance.

If you want to benefit from pre marriage counseling, and this is something which you have not yet discussed with your partner, it will be better if they make the choice themselves. By all means tell them about the possibility, but not forcibly. Just give them some printed material to read, along with some case studies, and let them come to their own conclusion. The sessions will mean so much more that way, and you will gain more from your pre marriage counseling.

 

 

 

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