Infidelity In Marriage

How Infidelity In Marriage Can Now Be Overcome And Learned From

Infidelity in marriage is a problem which has always been present, but it receives more attention now than ever before. There are many contributing factors to the increase in the numbers of people experiencing this, from the simple fact that it is being discovered more often to the great changes in the way people live. The media has also no doubt had an influence, as there are more films, books and TV shows which deal with this subject than ever before. Although it would be an exaggeration to say that people don't consider infidelity to be a serious problem any more, there is no doubt that reactions to it are generally less extreme.

It has to be pointed out that the phenomenon of infidelity, either in marriage or a close non-marital relationship, is hardly new. It has been happening for centuries, and will doubtless continue to happen for many more. What has changed is the impact on the lives of those involves should the indiscretion by discovered. In the past, the consequences of infidelity depended very much on who you were. If the man who owned a large house was found being unfaithful with a servant, he would almost certainly suffer no consequences other than an angry wife. The servant, however, would be dismissed and be out of a job and home.

The most serious consequences of infidelity were often to be found outside the home. Religion played a far larger part in the lives of the average person than it plays now, and the churches could easily expel and shame someone who was found to be unfaithful. In many cases, this would lead to them being shunned by the community as well, as church and secular life were closely linked in so many ways. The other major consequence which could befall an infidel is the loss of their income, as employed individuals were always at the mercy of bosses who needed to maintain a reputation.

Even celebrities were walking a tightrope if they chanced an extra-marital affair, as discovery meant that they would suffer a lot more than just some bad publicity in a poor quality tabloid newspaper. The fickle public who paid for luxurious lifestyle were far less tolerant of indiscretions, and there was always another would-be celebrity waiting in the wings to take over the role. There were very few people in society as a whole who could cope with the consequences of an indiscretion.

Although there will often be many people who suffer as a result of infidelity in marriage, the heaviest weight of burden often fall upon the children. This is especially true if the indiscretion becomes public knowledge, and the other children in the school get to find out about it. It can be hard enough to cope with knowing that your parents may be heading for divorce, without the humiliation of being made a laughing stock in the playground. If you find out about an indiscretion from your own partner, take it up with them and avoid it becoming public knowledge.

There are now many cases where infidelity is not seen as necessarily the end of the marriage. As a general rule, people have more freedom now to leave a marriage which is not working out for them, as they are often able to support themselves if they leave the marital home. If they do decide to stay and try to make the marriage better, it will be voluntary, and this gives the project a far greater chance of success. This can be increased by taking part in relationship counseling or therapy to try to discover the root cause of the problem.

If there is already emotional acceptance and forgiveness on behalf of the wronged party, relationship alone may be enough to save the marriage. This deals mainly with the present, and a focus on the future. Existing issues are raised, brought out into the open, and hopefully resolved. The counselor you see will not sit in judgment, but will speak frankly with each partner alone to discover the feelings which are still there. Once this has been done, the counselor will know how to proceed with dialog.

There will be many occasions where infidelity in marriage will leave deep emotional scars which will need to be brought to the surface to be healed. This will not happen with simple relationship counseling, but it can happen as a result of couple therapy over many sessions. This is not a cheap way to try to save a marriage, and it will take a lot of time and effort, but the success rate is high for those who are really committed to making it work. As long as the will is there on behalf of both parties, virtually any marriage can be saved, but the will has to be there or there could be further infidelity in marriage.

 

 

 

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